back to normal

well im back to doing the usual. work, home, eat, sleep, work, home, eat, sleep. work was alright my first week back. i'm interviewing people to replace my old coworker who came in with her little boy on wednesday. he is soo adorable. i couldnt help but think that i would have had one right about now too. but i have to be patient. while we were away we did a lot of hiking and cycling so im thinking it would be a good idea to keep up with the workout. well i have to go, i'm preparing diner for my mom to come over, she is visiting. i'm so excited, i miss her so much.

We are back

we had such a great great time. the people at the b&b were so sweet, we got along with another couple that were there too and we even went out with them twice. i'm not one to do things with strangers but it was really nice. dh and i are better in our relationship now. we decided that we dont want to be upset anymore about this baby issue so we compromised. he will definitely be up to trying for a baby if i give him a couple of months. i can live with that :)

last day of work

Yes! today was my last day of work before freedom. I have to hurry up and get everything ready to leave on Sunday morning. we are leaving at 6, dh is so anal about getting to places overly early. all i know is that i'll be sleeping while he drives. i have a thousand things to do. my house is in a mess. work has kept me so busy that i have neglected my home. dh helps out sometimes but you know guys. i have to do laundry asap so i can pack. b&b here we come!

work

work has been so busy lately. its a good thing though. its kept me away from obsessing about babies for now. I cant wait I have one more week and then we go away for our relaxing romantic get away. i wish i could do something else sometimes. i work in a small company so they really depend on me for a lot of stuff and we recently lost one of my coworkers to motherhood. she just had a baby last year but after working for 6 months she decided she wanted to be a stay at home mom. how i wish i could do the same.

Vacation

I'm so excited! In 2 weeks dh and i are going away for a vacation. he surprised me with a nice week at a b&b not too far from home. I've never been to one but i hear its nice. when we were trying to decided what we would do for our week off he was so strong on saying we should save some money. now he said that i deserved a nice vacation because of everything that we've gone through. oh and i got to see my kitty over the weekend! i went to visit my mom and had a great time with them.

been a while

i'm such a bad blogger. i haven't updated in a long time.

i've been busy and sad. i don't know what to do about dh. he knows i time our sex life and that i try to get pregnant and he was upset with me. of course he had no answer when i asked why he doesn't use protection or pull out when we are together. he says its not conscious but that what i do is. he promised to think about us starting a family. he says he is still sad about our miscarriage and don't know if he can deal with another one and that this is why he tries to hold back.

at least its some progress.

ob talk

i went to the dr for my annual pap and i was there for a while discussing how i felt about this ttc thing. she was very nice and seemed concerned. she doesn't think i should push dh but seems to think that if he didn't want a baby he would be more careful when we are together. he doesn't pull out and knows im not on birth control so maybe she is right.

i didn't talk to him again about my feelings, but i think i might soon. she said to continue trying for another 6 months and then come back to her if we have no success.

i need to have courage

im thinking of talking to dh about this baby thing again. i just dont want to be too pushy with him. why cant he see how important this is for me. I don't understand how he could have been so happy when i was pregnant and now he wants nothing to do with it, it makes me wonder if he was faking it.

sad

I have to give up my kitty :(
it seems dh is allergic to her and he wont take allergy pills. i'm giving her to my mom so at least i'll be able to see her once in a while. she also told me that cats weren't good for pregnant women? i didn't know that. maybe this will bring us one step closer.

im going to miss her so much.

Af is here

Again. I hate her so much.

Dh and I didn't really try but we didn't avoid either. I know I shouldn't be so disappointed since our timing wasn't perfect, not that dh knew that, but I still am.

here we go again. next cycle here i come.

Baby conversation

The hubby really feels he is not ready for a baby. We had a miscarriage a few months ago and since then I've heard my clock ticking stronger and stronger. It was an accident getting pregnant but now I feel like all I want is a baby. I don't want to push him but I don't know what to do to ease my needs. I'm hoping that venting here helps me a lot. I'm still not sure which direction to take this blog but I'll come up with something.

Hi

Welcome to my blog.
This is about my life's struggles. I don't know how private I will be just yet but for now I'm Cassandra, Cassie for short, and all I can tell you right now is that I love reading blogs so I decided to create one too. I am married and mom of a kitty for now. Waiting for my husband to be ready for a real baby. Thanks for stopping by!